When someone calls us names that make us upset, are we upset because part of us “believes” in what they say? If someone calls me fat or skinny or bald or lazy or whatever and I react to that negatively, is my reaction partly because I am insecure and vulnerable? If I didn’t feel my weight or appearance or pace of doing things was an issue, would I still be bothered by their words or would I shrug my shoulders, realize they’re just idiots and move on?
The reason I’m bringing this up is that after I posted the blog post of yesterday, a dear friend of mine called me. She was concerned that by sharing information about myself, I might get hurt. She said that some Internet users and readers are not so nice, have personal issues or malicious intent and with their words and/or actions, they want to hurt others. She spoke of a famous blogger who was getting some vile comments.
That got me thinking….
What about people’s words hurts us? If we’re secure in who we are, should it still hurt? And how do we become secure? Is it by not leaving the house, shutting the doors and windows and hiding under the bed? We’ve all heard the expression: “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. Obviously we don’t want to announce our home address on social media, but would tip-toeing into expressing our true-self help make us more self-confident and secure? Isn’t it true that all great artists, entrepreneurs and successful people “left their homes”, experimented, occasionally made a fool of themselves but through the process, strengthened their backbone and grew?
I hear that most people fear public speaking and often rank it second to fear of death. What it is about our culture that makes us that way? What are we protecting? Our ego? Our pride? What are we afraid of?
I think that we believe there is something in us or about us that’s a short-coming. And I think that’s all mind-made. If we believe that we’re all the same, despite titles, bank accounts or physical abilities and appearance, we wouldn’t feel inferior to others.
So then why shouldn’t we write down the bucket-list of all our perceived short-comings and then tip-toe into sharing that first with supportive friends and family and then the broader world. Now “we” are taking control. Now we’re building the inner strength and confidence not to get hurt. It sounds counter-intuitive, doesn’t it. But what have we gained by hiding our perceived insecurities and feeling hurt by people’s words? Isn’t “truth” supposed to set us free? I think it does. So if I go and share with people my perceived issues with weight, hair, laziness, or any other mind-made issue, that issue loses its power.
Some cultures do a Spring cleaning. Shouldn’t we do a cleaning of things that have haunted us and paralyzed us?
Getting back to my friend’s advice… I want to be a more confident human being. That comes by cleansing myself of all the perceived insecurities. If someone writes a negative comment about the design of my logo (yesterday’s blog post) and I get hurt, I have to look inside and see what in me is insecure to get hurt? Similar to building memory muscle when we practice a musical instrument or playing a sport, being forthcoming with anything in our insecurity closet gets strengthened by repetition.
I’m the first to confess that my own personal insecurity closet has stuff and needs a Spring cleaning. And I will continue to be honest in my posts about who I am as a human being.